July 01, 2004

An example of character

So there's this friend of mine. Happens to be female, and not unattractive at that. Fabulous personality. So much so that she was a deejay with a very popular radio station here in town. The station got bought out, so she was out of work. She went to another one, and they recently fired her due to budgetary restraints.

She was/is the type of girl that's right for me. Decicive, and opinionated, and equipped with enough brainpower to back up her assertions. She plays a CF Martin guitar, and that's how we got to talking.

You see, I was out at the bar with her boyfriend. He's a great guy and a former coworker of mine. She and I hit it off immediately, and it was within days that I was out at thier homestead for a "scald". (A scald is when you spark up a charcoal flame, and proceed to cook "dead cow parts" upon it.)

It wasn't too long after that when we became "concert buddies". As a deejay, she was offerred a whole lot of fre tickets to lots of shows in the Knoxville area, along with a "plus one". It was no time before my middle name became "Plus One". I got to see a lot of great shows live.

We soon became "bitchin' Buddies". I would complain about the fact that I was lonely, and she would extoll the less than honorable virtues of her current beau. I was always a sympathetic ear to her , and was adept at commiserating with her when he had transgessed.

It was a few moinths ago when she made her intentions known, She wanted me to replace the individual who was currently occupying her life. This would have been a boon for me, as she was making good money, and owned a house of her own. Could have set me free, as it were. The only problem was, the fact that she had a joint ownership of the "fort" with her current boyfriend. As far as I'm concerned, a mortgage is a commitment.

The "mister" in this relationship was a friend and understood the fact that I would not compromise his situation with my influence, and I proceeded not to. Even after I had been directly propositioned by the female in question.

There are a certain few things that I can do and still look myself in the face in a mirror. Stealing another man's girl is not one of them.

If she"d left him of her own accord, and then come after me, I'd have been "In there like swimwear", but she didn't. I'll not be the excuse for a couple breaking up. That's not how I roll. If she'd seperated herself from him beforehand, I'd have tapped it in a heartbeat, but she was looking for me to be the reason for thier separation. I won't be that guy.

She's stilll with him, and I'm still lonely. But I can still look myself in a mirror without feeling like an asshole. I think that counts.

Posted by Johnny - Oh at July 1, 2004 12:46 AM

...dude... how about some spell check action?... heh... the fact that you were drinking at the Straight White House last night is SHOWING, buddy...

Posted by: Eric at July 1, 2004 07:34 AM

oh, and you aren't an asshole... you did the right thing....

Posted by: Eric at July 1, 2004 07:36 AM

Yep, Just a little cheap Bourbon will do that to me. :)

I believe I've got most of them fixed to the point of legibility. Thanks for the party, Bud. I had a great time.

Posted by: Johnny - Oh at July 1, 2004 10:12 AM

Just remember if she was willing to do that to the current boyfriend, I have a feeling she'd be willing to do it to the next one too. Trust is not a negotiable item in a relationship. After the initial glow fades a bit, you don't want to be wondering if she's out hitting on some other guy cause she's bored with you!

Hang in there, I'm sure the right person will come along. In the meantime, you did the right thing. I just wish the right thing didn't have to end up with you feeling bad.

Posted by: Teresa at July 1, 2004 12:39 PM

Oof. I wouldn't wish that situation on my worst enemy. That's just miserable & uncomfortable all the way around.

But Teresa's right. If she'd cheat with you, she'd cheat on you.

You did good.

Posted by: Harvey at July 1, 2004 01:47 PM

Late again!

If she won't take the risk and be independent even for a couple of weeks while things settle down....If she prefers to stay in an unsatisfactory relationship rather than getting along on her own, what, exactly, would she be bringing to a new relationship? Neediness?

Posted by: Sally at July 2, 2004 09:07 AM

Teresa: I have gotten used to being a bit of a martyr in situations like this. I'd much rather feel a little bad now for what I don't have, than make the investment in a relationship that is doomed to fail. Your kind words are appreciated very much. :)

Harvey: It was uncomfortable all right. After she propositioned me, I no longer called them up or hung out with her. She pestered me to come over a couple weeks back, and in order to save feelings all the way around, I went. I think she could feel the difference. I was a lot more wary of what I said and how I said it. I don't expect that she'll invite me over again.

Sally: I think that's a very good way of putting it. Her "neediness" is what is holding her there now, and it was what prompted her to try to get me before she dumped him. Everybody's got a certain amount of neediness built in, but if it makes up that much of your character, then I certainly don't want to get too involved.

Posted by: Johnny - Oh at July 2, 2004 09:32 AM

You did exactly the right thing.
Only one part I disagree with:

"There are a certain few things that I can do and still look myself in the face in a mirror. Stealing another man's girl is not one of them."

I would have said "Stealing a friend's girl"
Or even a halfway decent guy's girl.
I've known a few guys who I not only would have been fine looking in the mirror after stealing their woman, I would have been pleased as hell about it.

Posted by: Graumagus at July 2, 2004 12:30 PM

"Delayed Reaction Response Here"

Good point Grau. There are a few ladies out there that I know of that certainly need to get away from the shithead they're with. Unfortunately I can't seem to get any of them to proposition me.

Posted by: Johnny - Oh at July 3, 2004 07:18 PM

I have found www.ellisguitars.com to have some great free downloads and I think that their guitar may be better than some of the martins i have herd

Posted by: james at August 6, 2005 11:17 AM

Thnaks for the kind words.

Posted by: Andrew at August 6, 2005 11:47 AM
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