July 07, 2004

This aggression will not stand!

As I'm perusing the blogroll this afternoon, I came across this post over at Susie's. I mean, I see her point but as a fellow John I must protest!

Do you have any idea what it's like to go through life knowing that your name is synonymous with so many unpleasant things? Do you? Not if your name ain't John you don't. So here is a list of things that you have to put up with:

1. Knowing that every time someone is going to purge bowels/bladder, they're gonna do it on your namesake.

2. Being known as a guy who spends his hard earned paycheck getting tickled with feathers, in handcuffs, by a 42 year old North Korean proprieter of a house of ill repute.

3. Add the last name "Doe", and you immediately become a "Daisy Pusher Upper".

4. Every time the USPS decides to actually wade through hail, sleet, snow, and/or dead of night to deliver you a missive from your long lost step-first-cousin-in-law (You know the cute one that you snuck a kiss from back in fourth grade. It felt wrong and it felt so right. You just knew that you'd both go against time and tradition and get married and have wonderful little "babies with nine heads".) that begins with the words "Dear John".

5. Add "Q. Public" and you immediately become every slack-jawed, knuckle-dragging, buttcrack-showing, name-on-his-shirt, lemming-like individual you've ever seen in your life.

6. Add "Q. Customer" and you immediately become every slack-jawed, knuckle-dragging, buttcrack-showing, name-on-his-shirt, lemming-like individual you've ever had to serve in your life.

So if you think that naming your boy "Sue" would toughen him up, just try out John and see what happens... no that doesn't hold any water. If it did, the two nitwits that Susie is talking about would have turned out much differently... Wait. Yes it does. You've just got to be (Capital M) Man enough to take it, or you'll turn into a gibbering moonbat. That's my opinion. Make it yours.

Posted by Johnny - Oh at July 7, 2004 05:22 PM

See, if there was still only one John on the ticket--either one of 'em--I never would have thought of that title. But how often do you see a Pres/Vice Pres pair with the same first name? Bill Clinton and Bill Gore? Jimmy Carter and Jimmy Hoffa? Ronald Reagan and Ronald Bush? Ronald Reagan and Ronald McDonald? Wierd....

Posted by: Susie at July 7, 2004 07:09 PM

George Washington and George Jefferson. That would be one hell of a balanced ticket! :)

You're absolutely right though. Strange. :/

Posted by: Johnny - Oh at July 7, 2004 07:31 PM


Posted by: Libby at July 8, 2004 11:59 AM

Ok, I think I'll start enjoying my own freakishly uncommon name, now :-)

Posted by: Harvey at July 8, 2004 07:28 PM

Don't feel bad Harv. Here's what it's origins are: HARVEY m
Usage: English
Pronounced: HAHR-vee
From a surname which was derived from the Breton first name Haerviu, which meant "battle worthy" from Breton haer "battle" and viu "worthy". The first name was introduced to England by Breton settlers after the Norman Conquest.

"Battle Worthy" ain't too bad of a moniker, howsomever, mine means "Given By God" in Hebrew. :P

Posted by: Johnny - Oh at July 8, 2004 09:31 PM

Are you sure it doesn't mean "bottle worthy"? That would better explain my stint as a sailor :-)

Posted by: Harvey at July 9, 2004 02:08 PM

But... but... "Breton" means FRENCH! I didn't think they HAD a word for "Battle-Worthy!

Posted by: Sally at July 9, 2004 02:12 PM

HA! Harvey's got a French name! I never even thought of that Sally. Now I can pick fights with him, 'cuz I know he'll surrender! :^)

Posted by: Johnny - Oh at July 9, 2004 02:50 PM

Maybe being "Battle-worthy" was the ability to hoist a white flag at the first sign of trouble ;)

Posted by: Sally at July 9, 2004 03:31 PM

Smart-ass brats.

No desert for either one of you.

Posted by: Harvey at July 10, 2004 02:28 PM

Sally started it! :P

Posted by: Johnny - Oh at July 10, 2004 09:33 PM

The French have a word for battle worthy --


They also have a word for surrender -- "surrender."

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