January 17, 2005

I really should be asleep, but...

I've got a mild case of insomnia. I guess it has something to do with the fact that I've been at my house so infrequently over the past two months that when I'm here, I want to enjoy as much time here as I can. Sleep or No. It's kind of funny that every time I go down to the Marina, someone offers me a bunk to rack out in over night. Dad has offerred me a spot to crash more times than I care to think about, and this weekend, my Brother-In-Law stated that I could "always crash" on his boat for the night. I told him straight out "When are you people going to get it through your heads that when I come home from being on the road for two weeks that I want to sleep in my own bed?" Trust me, the sentiment is appreciated, but dammit, I'm tired.

Another thing that really gets to me after awhile is the fact that I don't get much time by myself. When we're on the road, Ford drives down about three quarter's of the way, thenI take over and drive us into town. We work together all day, and then we head on over to the motel room. I head on out and get us something to eat, and then we watch TV until it's time to go to sleep. We get up and then I drive us around, we work together all day, and then back to the motel. Lather, Rinse, Repeat, throughout the week. WhenI get home on the weekend, I come home to a house where my roommate is here, his girlfriend, and her daughter (with or without a few friends in tow) are around all weekend,a nd then I hit the road again.

Let me explain that I'm the type of guy who's used to spending most of my day (especially my personal time) by myself. This has been going on for enough years that when I don't get any time to myself, I tend to freak out a little bit. As it is, the only times I get to myself are during the commutes to and from the shop, and to Mom and Dad's on the weekends. About twenty minutes each way. The worst part is that I don't get to spend it in "my space" relaxing. I always have to be concerned about traffic, and other such things.

A little personal "down" time is in order, but I don't see it coming in the (very) near future. Although, I do have a potential line on another houseboat, and this one is much better than the other one. Maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel for Johnny actually having a place of his own. A place where I can have guests, or not. Be alone, or not. Decorate in my own fashion, and be able to be at peace there. I've got a modicum of that sort of thing here, but it's just not the same. I'm looking to sink roots somewhere. I think that the Knoxville area is the best place to do that, as it has a certain "boomerang effect" for me. Ever since I arrived here (in 1986 or so) I've moved away several times, but I've always come back. The mountains call to me, and the people are just great. All I'd like to do is have something for myself. A justification. A place to be.

Is that an unreasonable goal? If it is, Fuck you. I'm gonna make it happen anyway.

Posted by Johnny - Oh at January 17, 2005 12:35 AM

Go for it. That "me" time is so important, and it will work on you something terrible when you do without it for any amount of time. As much as I love, no need, to have people around, I also know I HAVE to have some Tammi Time. It's a must.

Good luck. You know we're all pulling for you!

Posted by: Tammi at January 17, 2005 11:20 AM

I hear ya brother. A man needs his alone-time, and that never changes.

That one was a hard bit to teach Beloved Wife.

Posted by: Harvey at January 17, 2005 01:36 PM

Why would it be an unreasonable goal? Actually, you need to have a tangible goal - it gives you something to shoot for. If your goal was "gee I'd like something better" - you haven't defined anything - what is "better"? You have defined what you want - that's the first step. You are looking to make it happen, that's the second step. It might take you a while to get there, but you know where you want to be!

As for the alone time - it's not just a guy thing. I like my alone time too. The hardest part about having small children around (when my kids were young) was the total lack of alone time. I couldn't even go in the bathroom by myself! Oh yeah, toddlers hate it when you try to make them stay outside the bathroom... LOL.

Posted by: Teresa at January 20, 2005 08:43 PM

I am very needy when it comes to "me" time, being a bit of a loner (and female). I need the space, the quiet, just to read or blog or do whatever, so I hear you.

Someone told me once that the way to obtain something is write it down. Seems you have done that.

Hope you get your wish in the best possible way very soon.

Posted by: Rachel Ann at January 22, 2005 01:16 PM
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