February 27, 2005

Can You Imagine?

Recently there has been a story in the news about a pregnancy occurrung through illicit means. This is a story that even left Tammi speechless, which means that it is truly shocking indeed. I've been mulling this subject over in my head the last few day's, and it's been quite a disturbing ride. Let's assume (for the sake of argument) that what the man in this report stated is correct, and go from there.

So he gave her his seed, and she used it to inseminate herself thereby causing a pregnancy. As far as I can tell, the state doesn't care about the intentions of the "father", but merely the fact of his paternity. (I assume that a DNA test was conducted, and it was confirmed that it is his child.) He can sue her civilly for the "Emotional Distress", but he still has to pay child support to her. Hmmn. Interesting.

Coming from the man's point of view (I can't help it, I'm a guy) this position would positively "suck like an electrolux". You trust someone enough to have an act of intercourse with them, but by the oral nature of things, you can reasonably assume that pregnancy would not be a possibility. Then you are slapped with the fact of your paternity. Two years later. I can picture the shock of this, the shame, the anger, and the feeling of incredulity. "This has got to be a lie" I can hear him say to himself. Then the DNA test proves that it's his. I can imagine him feeling betrayed, and then completely apalled that the state will require him to pay his hard-earned cash to the lady in question. He then looks into his options on how to keep his money, and realizes that he has none. In the eyes iof the law, he's the father, and that's that.

There's also a question of responsibility, and how much of it is his. Although, he didn't put his sperm in a place that would allow her to get pregnant by the normal means, he still gave it to her. Do his intention's at the time come into play at all? From his point of view, I can assume that it would be the sole argument for him not paying child support. She took it and did something that I did not intend, and never gave her permission to do. But, but....He gave it to her, therefore he has to be at least partially responsible for the outcome. Or is he? She did it without his knowledge or consent. I can imagine him thinking more along the lines of "She stole a child from me" rather than "I guess I should have been more careful". This is definately not a scenario where an "Oops. My bad." will suffice from either party. Now there's a life involved. If you consider how embroiled the abortion argument is, it's no stretch to realize how big a deal it is.

This guy is a doctor, so I think that you can assume that he's not stupid. Can you imagine how it would feel to be so gullible as to let something like this happen? "I thought that it would be safe." I can hear him say to himself, but then to learn that no, apparrently it's never safe. "How could I have been so stupid?" is another question that comes to mind. Then there's the next time he decides that he likes/loves someone enough to engage in his natural urges to have sex with them. Imagine the doubts that would go through his mind when he next "steps up to the plate". "Can I trust her? I'm not sure. But, I think I love her. I know, but can I trust her?" Sounds like a real "downer" to me. I think that this alone covers him for his "emotional distress" suit.

Another thing to consider for his civil suit is the fact of child support itself. I can imagine him trying to forget about this situation, just put it out of his mind and try to go on with his life, but every time he has to write a check, or look at his paystub, he'll be reminded of it. I think that it would have a big effect on his confidence, as a man, and as a doctor. "If I can screw up something like this, then how can I make life-or-death decisions in my profession?" That kind of self-doubt can really tear a person down, but no biggie, he's only got to put up with it for 18 years.

"Do you think he's lying?" I hear you ask. No. I don't. What possible good could it do him? By putting this issue out there, he is risking his practice (see the above paragraph for why that's be an issue. His reputation is on the line.). That's a big deal to someone who's spent six to eight years (and no telling how much money) getting himself through medical school.

Any way that this shakes down, I feel for this guy. This problem won't ever go away, and he's got to live with it. I can't say that I know what it's like exactly, but I can imagine.

Posted by Johnny - Oh at February 27, 2005 07:15 PM

-- My brothers and i have often made jokes about "esophogeal pregnancy", and how it is impossible. I guess it's not a joke anymore.

-- The state only cares about getting money for the woman and child so they don't go on welfare. Finding the father is good, finding *any* father is fine.

-- I think he is lying and they had intercourse.

Posted by: _Jon at February 28, 2005 10:20 AM

A nightmare, and worse still if you DID take steps to protect yourself and then found that they had DELIBERATLY gone out of their way to get themselves pregnant (hard to tell I know...).

Let me tell you one time about the woman who was a virgin and managed to get pregnant from oral sex - if that doesn't scare you then nothing will...

Posted by: Alex at February 28, 2005 02:52 PM

OK, now for a female's point of view.

Can someone PLEASE smack this lady around for a few days?!?!?!

For crying out loud it's hard enough to deal with regular relationships without some woman creating a news story that has every guy on the planet walking on eggshells.
Back when Lorenna Bobbit had her little "let's take mr. happy for a joy ride" episode it was almost impossible to get a guy to fall asleep next to you.

Now every guy in America is going to be "keeping his swimmers on the bench" and/or taking the condom home with him at the end of the night just to be sure.

I need a smoothie.

Posted by: Sarah the Penguin at February 28, 2005 04:58 PM

oh, by the way

the most disturbing thing about this court ruling is that sperm is now considered a "gift".

Happy Birthday To You.

(so now my Grandma is going to have me write Thank You cards and send them out for this too?)

Posted by: sarah the penguin at February 28, 2005 05:05 PM

I'm laughing at _Jon and agreeing with Sarah if it is in fact true and she's not lying. If she is not lying and they did not have intercoarse, he should find some kick ass lawyer, pay the big bucks to have her deemed incompetent and get custody. Screw her. For real.

Posted by: Bou at February 28, 2005 08:15 PM

i'm pretty sure that there's no such thing as DNA.
AND, when are we going to start placing the blame for these crazy paternity deals and whatnot where it belongs?
squarely on the baby.
way to go orally conceived baby... way to go.

Posted by: gatsby at March 1, 2005 12:55 AM

Hi Sarah!

Johnny-Oh - Who is this Sarah and why haven't you made her get a blog yet? I can't believe you're hogging her writing talent for your own selfish enjoyment. Didn't I raise you better than that?

Posted by: Harvey at March 1, 2005 02:18 PM
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