October 13, 2005

What I need.

Here I sit. Drunk off my ass, blogging into the damn night. We all know that I'm kinda lonely, but there's few who know the extent of it. I've aluded to the fact that I have a child. His name is Daniel. I pay out Support on him, and that's one of the crosses I bear. I left his Mother on the day after his conception, because I knew that it wouldn't work between me and she. A year later...she showed up on my doorstep with my little boy. Paternity tests confirmed that he was my son.

(Insert seven years of celibacy.) I mean, I wouldn't even talk to a female if she was moderately interested in me. It would send me into such a heap of depression that I'd spend a few months in a fetal position just getting over it. It was a nightmare.

Some friends of mine convinced me to get "back in the saddle" as it were, and I had me some fun. Best lay I've ever had in fact. Unfortunately, I moved two-hours away for my career, and after a few months it was determined that she was cheating on me. I wasn't surprised, just disappointed. Hell, I drove back to town every two weeks to be with her, but it wasn't enough. She found someone who could gove her what she wanted.

I've been on and off the hobby-horse since then, but it's not easy. Some have been from places so far away that there's no way it could work. Other's have come from places that I could no longer be pleased with than if I'd just done a job.

This last one is a person who could make me happy, if she coule get over her own hang-ups. It's unfortunate that she's also an enabler (I'm drinking on the bottle that we bought together last weekend as we speak) and that's not exactly a deal breaker, but it gives me pause.

What I currently need is a good Woamn who can help me realise my full potential. A partner. Someone who I can rely on to let me know when I'm oversepping the bounds, and can also give me an intelligent conversation after a wondrous bout of monkey sex.

I'll be the firtst to admit that I'm not the best candidate for this type of woman. Im work a job that causes me to come home exhausted most day's. i've spent way to many years "Inside my own head", so I don't express my feelings very well. I don't have a pot to piss in, or a window to throw it out of.

I don't know waht there may be to attract her, but "What I need" is a good woman. If you know one that can help me out, let me know.

Posted by Johnny - Oh at October 13, 2005 12:22 AM | TrackBack

When I ask for advice on how to attract a good man, people always tell me to go to church.

Which only makes me want to spend more time in bars.

...which leads to more problems.
(Having met most of my boyfriends in bars.)

Posted by: Sarah the Penguin at October 13, 2005 09:22 PM

Hmmn. A Bar huh? I'm skeptical, but it just might work! :^)

Posted by: Johnny - Oh at October 13, 2005 10:04 PM

I have to say I'm a better person due to my partner. I can be a rather self destructive person at times... and he is very stable. So, I understand what you're saying.

Posted by: Bou at October 13, 2005 10:22 PM

Yeah Bou, but I have a problem with the feeling that I'm throwing "my stuff" off on somebody else. For some reason, I get a feeling of "Who the hell am I?" to throw all of my issues off on somebody else. I don't know, I'm still trying to figure it out, and I know it would be easier if I can get over my mental black that doesn't let me express myself very well.

Thanks much for the commiseration, though. :^)

Posted by: Johnny - Oh at October 13, 2005 11:52 PM
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