Closet Extremist

Bump in the night.

I was just sitting here perusing the "sphere, when I realized that someone had broken into my house and smoked all the cigarrettes that were in the pack in my shirt pocket. (I'm gonna get me a security system to prevent that from happeniong again.) I decided that since all of my smokes were gone from that pack, I'd better get up offa my dead ass and get another one. But...BUT! They're like Five Whole Feet away! It's a Nightmare! After an Olympian effort to get my achin' carcass over to the couch where the sack full of smoke's was, I noticed a strange noise coming from underneath one of the cushions. "What's this?" my mind reeled at me in abject confusion. "It sounds like a crowd or something" it also interjected rather unhelpfully. I could distinctly hear people yelling and whistling at something, but I could not determine why this type of activity was going on in my couch.

The second and a half of complete consternation seemed an eternity...until my internal Holmes kicked in and made a deduction. To whit: "The Aural emanations are coming from your Rear Surround Sound speaker that's sitting on the windowsill behind the couch...You Chowderhead!". (I guess Holmes can be a bit Bitchy when he's awakened by an idiot in search for nicotine.)

A couple of "word's to the wise"

1. Never watch the World Series with your Surround Sound set on "Dolby Prologic", 'cuz you might get freaked out by it.
2. The perfect ingredients for noisome and noxious flatulence is a combination of Brussell Sprouts and Miller Lite beer.

Just watchin' out for YOU people.