Closet Extremist

"E"-Sense is Tingling!

A few weeks ago, I was riding with another technician, so I left my mini-van parked at the shop. At the end of the day, I was deposited there, in order to pick up my ride, and whenever I am there (and the doors are open) I have to stop in and visit with my Blogless Sister. She's the "Service Dispatcher" along with various and sundry other duties. Us construction guys usually work a 7:00 to 3:30 shift (half-hour lunch) but all the office/service folks usually work an 8:00 to 5:00 (hour lunch). I think we got back to the shop around 4:30 or so, so I had to make my obligatory stop to say "Hi" and generally harass the office staff. At around ten-'til I decided that I'd had enough for the day, and announced that I was hitting the bricks.

I had not even gotten to the bottom of the drive before my phone rang. It was my Sister, and she had a problem... [Bogart Voice-Over] It was a Friday afternoon, and I was lookin' for some hard-earned booze after the week I'd had. The jangling of the phone stomped my last nerve like it was the floor under Michael Flately, but in my unending ignorance... I picked it up. It was a Dame...It's always a Dame. All I had to hear was "they're trapped", and I was hooked like a lousy Vaudevillian on "Open Mike" night. The Silly Skirt actually asked me if I had the tools to get them out... I informed her that I'm always packing. She gave me the address, and assured me that my fee would be "taken care of". I guess this week will get a little bit longer...[/Bogart Voice-Over]

There was an "entrapment" of a couple of folks in an elevator that's (sorta) on the way home for me. The "on call" service guy was at least an hour away, so she asked if I could go by there and get them out. Under these circumstances, you can't say "no", so I pointed my trusty steed in the proper direction. Thirty-five minutes later (after navigating through the traffic due to construction on I-40 (sidenote: SmartFix 40??? My Aching Ass!)) I arrived "On Scene".

Luckily, there was a phonebooth right outside of the building. I was able to quickly enter it...doff my "horn rims" and split my over shirt to reveal...

[Startled Observer] Look! Up In the sky! He rises and falls at 500 Feet Per Minute, yet he doesn't move laterally! It must be [Dramatic Music!] Elevator Man!"

"What seems to be the trouble Citizen?" ... "Oh Elevator Man! We've been trapped in this thing for almost an hour!" ... "Not to worry good people! I'll have you out in a trifle!" With that, Elevator Man proceeded to use his "Hoistway Door Key" equipped finger, and his "Six foot step-ladder" legs, to climb onto the car top and release the bedraggled person's who were locked into the "Elevator of Doom" in the very nick of time. As the last man leaped from the confines of the cab, the car careened the last ten inches into the buffers and exploded into a ball of flame!

"Our Hero" was able to get back into his disguise before anyone was the wiser...but he took great satisfaction in hearing the words "Thank You, "Elevator Man!" as he rode off into the sunset.

(Certain aspects of this tale have been "embellished" for artistic flavor.)