Closet Extremist

Anti-sticker campaign.

AS anyone who's ever purchased an "Automotive Vehicular Transport Unit" (Yes, I and my friends in AFJROTC used to come up with "Military Names" for common items that we'd run across in our daily lives. One of my proudest moments was christening the "Dual D-Cell Battery Powered Illumination Unit". Good times.) from any car lot, is that they have a propensity for festooning every surface of the vehicle with sticker's and placards declaring where the vehicle had been purchased from. Personally, I'm not fond of having my back bumper proclaim that I got my wheels from "Bjork Munson's Used Auto, Bait, Tackle, and All-night Video Tape Rental... East Asshole, TN"... No matter how pleased I am with my purchase.

Now, I buy Used (Not "Pre-Owned" or "Pre-Loved" you Uppity Fucks) transportation. Invariably. In fact, I've never owned a New car in my life... Nor do I intend to. There's something about the fact that my car automatically "depreciates" in value by 5 to 20%, just due to the fact that I drove it off the Lot, that stops me from from getting something shiny. Not to mention the old "Let me talk to my Manager" gambit. I'd "druther" deal with old Bjork. I know I'm being lied to, but at least I'm being lied to by the man who makes the damned decisions.

At any rate... I was over to the 'Rents floating crib, showing my new ride off to my Momma, when I got the notion to start peeling off the "Free Advertisements" that were all over the bumper and tailgate. I started working on the "Torkelson's BeaterMobile, West Asshole, TN" (the one that had been on there more than a year) sticker with my pocketknife, while dad commenced on the "Bjork's" sticker with a fingernail. If this had been the Tennessee vs. Georgia game, I'da been the Bulldogs. The new sticker fell off with a hard glance, and the old one took a jackhammer. Contented with the fact that my rear bumper was now a solid Red...Maroon...Burgandy...or something, I felt the need to address the front license plate.

Tennessee does not require a driver to have a plate that duplicates the one on the rear on the front, so you can use your's for personal expression. I figured that a Confederate Battle Jack would do nicely, but as far as I consider myself a "Rebel" (If they chose sides again, I would choose "Grey".) I was unable to find a suitable adornment to convey my spirits. This afternoon, I found myself at the local Auto Parts Conglomerate, and I ran across't just the thing... A do-it-yer-self-placard. It "come" with a baseball, football, basketball, and soccer emblem's, and a whole crap-ton of letters what you could stick on it.

It took me a few minutes to decide what would be emblazoned upon the foremost of my truckster, but I eventually decided upon the decalrative statement on a T-Shirt that I recently purchased. If you see a "rocker" in a Red GMC pullin' up, then you'll know that it's me.