July 18, 2004

Freeze! Drop the reptile!

As usual, when I got home today, I pulled up my faithful browser to check my E-mail, but something just wound up jumping out at me on Yahoo's site. A certain headline that I just had to read the full story of. I'll just quote the whole damn thing here as it was pretty short.

AP Man Accused of Hitting Woman With Gator

Sun Jul 18, 5:55 AM ET

PORT ORANGE, Fla. - A man hit his girlfriend with a 3-foot alligator and threw beer bottles at her during an argument in the couple's mobile home, authorities said.

David Havenner, 41, was ordered held without bond Saturday on misdemeanor charges of battery and possession of an alligator.

The alligator, which Havenner had been keeping in his bathtub, was turned over to Florida wildlife officials.

Nancy Monico, 39, told investigators that Havenner beat her with his fists, then grabbed the alligator and swung it at her as she tried to escape, sheriff's spokesman Gary Davidson said. She said the animal hit her at least once. She also told authorities that Havenner threw empty beer bottles at her, Davidson said.

Havenner's version of the story differed. He told investigators that Monico bit his hand because she was upset that they had run out of alcohol.

I am just stunned to see this story. There are so many life lessons that can be taken from it that I can only name but a few.

1. Never use illegal family pets to cudgel significant others'.
2. Never wing beer bottles at your Better half. (Unless it was on a dare.)
3. Never live in a trailer park in Florida. (You'll have weird neighbors.)
4. (And most importantly) Never, Ever, let yourself run out of alcohol.

Bad things will happen.

Posted by Johnny - Oh at July 18, 2004 09:37 PM

LMAOOOOOOO! One of my favorite retorts is:

"Don't piss me off, I MAY have been drinking."

But that story was a real. . .edumacation. Thanks!

Posted by: Emma at July 19, 2004 02:26 AM

Everyone knows you can do far more damage with an iguana! Just hold it by the head and it'll do the work for ya' with it's vicious tail. It pays to know your most effective bludgeoning reptiles. Odd that the lady was upset due to a lack of alcohol but had no problem with the fact that her sink was doubling as a terrarium.

Posted by: REX MUNDI at July 19, 2004 07:38 AM

(Shaking my head) I saw this too. I think you don't have to live in a trailer in Florida to have weird neighbors. There are weird people all over this place. I think we breed 'em here. Or they congregate here from every other state. Maybe California is getting too crowded.

Posted by: Boudicca at July 19, 2004 08:51 AM

Boudicca's right - we got tons of 'em down here. And it is a combination of both. Near the coast - transplants. Inland - we breed 'em.

Posted by: Tammi at July 19, 2004 10:53 AM

Emma: I have every intention of quoting your fine retort.

Rex: You think it's wierd that she let him keep the animal in the tub? Hell, I'm gonna Marry that woman! ;^)

Boudicca: Sorry about all the wierdo's down there. There's something to be said in thier fsvor though. They can be damned interesting to watch. Darwinism as Entertainment. Hmmn, could be a new "Reality" show in this. :^)

Posted by: Johnny - Oh at July 19, 2004 10:54 AM

"the couple's mobile home"

Which is all you need to explain the rest of the story.

Posted by: Harvey at July 19, 2004 07:42 PM
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