Closet Extremist

Ripples

While at the BEFR, during one of the various and sundry conversations that were constantly going on, _Jon started bitching at me about how much I smoke. As he was extolling the virtues of not getting lung cancer he made a statement that really hit home for me. Incredibly, it was a thought that I'd had before but in a different context.

I'm sure that most everyone out there has gone through some bad times, times that try your very soul, and have contemplated ending it all. I have been there, and came to a realization. I'm just not that selfish. No matter how shitty things are, or how low you think you've sunk, there is still a couple of good reasons to keep on plugging away at life. One is, according to my theology (Athiest, if you're new here), that this is the only life you've got. Ending it prematurely is just wasting the most precious thing you've got. The other (and more important) is the impact on the people who care about you.

"But noone cares about me Johnny." I only have a one-word answer to that: BullShit. If you will quit wallowing in your self-pity long enough, you should be able to pick out at least five people that you interact with that mean something to you. Family, friends, coworkers, or even the girl who pours your coffee at the drive-thru every morning. You may not recognize it, but you have an effect on these people's lives. If these people mean something to you, the odds are pretty good that you actually mean something to them as well. Your absence will have a negative effect on their lives. Remember, that these are only the people that you know about right now. What about the "perfect match" who you haven't met yet? What about the best friend that you'll wind up meeting due to a conversation in a diner? What about when a family member gets in a car wreck, and they need you to help them out? All of these things (and a multitude more) are potentially just around the corner.

While I was contemplating suicide, I discovered that there is no way that I could ever be so selfish as to discount the impact that all of these people have had on my life, or to throw away any positive things I had added to theirs. I saw in my mind's eye the grief of my loved ones, and that was enough to stop my train of thought right there. Sure, it was bad. Sure, life sucked. But I could never intentially bring that much pain into the lives of the ones I cared about.

Back to _Jon's point: "You know that it's like ripples in a pond, the effect you have on other people." Yes Bro it is. Sage advice. I haven't quit smoking yet, but he sure gave me one hell of a good reason to. Self-destructive behaviour doesn't just impact you, but everyone you love, or ever will.