May 10, 2005


The next-door-neighbor lady went through a divorce about six months ago. She kicked the bum she was married to "to the curb", after putting up with him being a louse for too many years. She's a nurse so she works odd hours, so she got herself a nanny to help take care of her 1 girl and two boys. She needn't have bothered, as they are over at our house nearly every day. She had an arrangement with the teenager that lives on the other side of her for him to keep her lawn mowed, and after a months worth of growing, her grass was getting up to the point where you would sooner call it hay, than grass. Since I recently purchased a riding lawn mower, I decided that I would go ahead and help her out, and mow it down. No need in having one of the kids snake bit or some such.

Since I went through all the time and effort, doesn't that mean that I get sex from her? Help me out, I'm out of the loop for that sort of thing these days.

Posted by Johnny - Oh at May 10, 2005 06:37 AM

Unfortunately you don't get sex. Only some points and the reputation of being a nice guy. sorry.

Posted by: Contagion at May 10, 2005 08:37 AM

The rules are the following....

If a male neighbor does you a favor, you only owe him sexual favors if.

1) he is hot
2) he does your yardwork shirtless
3) he must also do the edgeing
4) oh and trim shrubbery
5) did I mention he must be hot
6) he must ask the following... "Do you have anything else that needs to be taken care of?"

Ladies did I forget anything?

Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at May 10, 2005 10:19 AM

Yay! Lawnmower blogging! I've missed this.

Pictures, please!

Posted by: Sally at May 10, 2005 12:39 PM

There is a sliding scale on this.

Since I am in the Home Improvement industry, let me help you with this.

It's not "Do I get sex for this?".
It's "How much and what kind of sex do I get?"
Payment can be anywhere from nekkid pictures to acts that should not be described here (but can be demonstrated should you feel the need to come help me with the grade in my front yard).

My buddy Lincoln always tells me "bid high, work better" and he's right. The amount of care that went into her landscape improvements should reflect the amount of bounce in your briefs (or boxers as it were).

More to the point.
If you just made her grass shorter with no other improvements...and you used the new riding mower which made it easy.
(hmmmm...hang on...carry the 4...add tax...)
Ok. I've got it.

She owes you one under the shirt over the bra boobie feel.

Next question.

Posted by: Sarah the penguin at May 10, 2005 12:42 PM

Settle for baked goods.

Posted by: Harvey at May 10, 2005 02:09 PM

Geez. What the hell does it take to get laid around here?

Contagion: I've been fighting that whole "nice guy" thing for years. One of these days I'm just going to have to admit to myself that I am one, and get used to finishing last. :^)

AWTM: Dangit! I forgot to take my shirt off! Curses!

Sally: I find it interesting that anyone actually misses my lawnmower diatribes. Just for that, I'll give you more.

Sarah: I'll keep you apprised on my progress so you can apprise me of when I get the poon. ;^)

Harvey: BAKED GOODS! Are you on crack? I guess you bought that whole "way to a man's heart is through his stomach" crap. I say the target is a bit lower. ;^)

Posted by: Johnny - Oh at May 10, 2005 09:11 PM

Johnny.... there's an old saying:

"Lovin' don't last. Cookin' do."

Posted by: Harvey at May 11, 2005 11:50 AM

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Posted by: win at October 11, 2005 05:18 AM
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