Closet Extremist

I Love Holiday Weekends

Luckily, I was able to avail myself of all three day's off this past weekend. It gave me an opportunity to practice one of my favoritest activities... "Power Lounging". Now this particular activity has a single objective: "Do as little as possible for as long as possible." Seems pretty simple, No? Well you'd be surprised at how much effort this endeavor actually takes. First though, let's talk about the ground rules.

1.) All activities must be uindertaken while firmly planted to the couch/easy chair of your choice.

2.) The only acceptable reasons for leaving the aforementioned place of recline are to go relieve oneself, or to go to bed after a hard day's "Lounging".

3.) That's it.

The aspect of this pastime that is most challenging, is the act of getting others in your household to provide your every want/need/whim without resulting in divorce, murder-suicide, or unnecessary groundings/beatings of the children.

The elagant part is in your technique. There are several way's to get what you desire in these circumstances including (but not exclusive to): Whining, cajoling, Tantrum's, imperious demands, and promising to do chores. All of these things can work effectively, but the more extreme one's are not conducive to marathon sessions, so I take a different approach... Humor.

I have taken Jeff Foxworthy's joke where he applies a "Redneck" definition to a word; "Sensuous: Hey Sensuous up, git me a beer." ; and applied it to great effectiveness. My openning gambit goes like this "Did I ever tell you how sensuous you was?", and nearly invariably a frosty adult libation is on the way.

I've refined my technique by applying a couple other "Redneck" jokes, ie: "What do you tell a woman with two black eye's? Nothin'. You already told her twice." and "How many Rednecks does it take to open a beer? None. It better be open when she brings it to you." Properly applied, a simple look and an "Oh god" gets my beer openned, and for other more involved things (Make me a sammich!) can get resolved with a simple "don't make me tell you twice." Not to mention the "It's all the way over there." ploy.

I think I've given you all some tools to get started on your own "Power Lounging" campaign. Let me know how it goes, and I'll contact the Olympic people. Come this weekend, I'm going for the Gold.

Posted by Johnny - Oh at September 5, 2006 07:33 PM | TrackBack