Wow. I only worked an eight hour day today. That's nice, and it would've been even nicer if the job wasn't an hour and a half drive away from the crib, but still...
I got home today still "feeling my oats". I pulled up my Fantasy Football League site shortly after I arrived, only to discover that I was still ranked number 1 of the group after the Monday night games. Needless to say I was absolutely shocked. I've never played any type of "Fantasy" sports before in my life, and
(due to my hurted eyeball and work schedule) I was unable to make any changes to my roster before the games were played, so my team had a running back (you can pick two) and my tight end did not even play at all this weekend. Still and all, I was Numero Uno in the group that I'm competing against. Sweet!
As I was checking out the stats and such, I decided to pull up my WinAmp and listen to a few tunes while I was surfing. I was listening to a tune that I haven't enjoyed in quite awhile... and I was inspired. I actually got my guitar out of its case. I've not even held the damn thing in pushing six months, but something told me to get it out and try again. After I tuned it up, I cued up the song that I'd been previously jammin' on.
Lord God! I suck. I couldn't remember which chords comprised the song I wanted to play. This used to be a tune that was "good". ("Good" equates to any song I can actually play. "Horrible Tunes" are generally played by Lindsay Buckingham, Eric Clapton, and Warren Zevon.) After scratching through every piece of paper in the goddamn house, I finally found one that had the Chord Progression on it ( I knew it was HERE, I just didn't know WHERE), and after a few "play through's" I finally got it again.
I'm an awful guitarist, but I still Love the instrument, and I am pleased when I can make the noises that I wish, emenate from it.
I need to Practice.
Went to the eye doctor at 8:40 this morning. Some good signs were, I didn't wake up this morning with my eye glued shut with white blood cells, the doc said there should be minimal scarring (if any), and it's healing allright. The bad news, it was stil pretty light sensitive, there was still some pain involved, and there appeared to be a "film" that I was looking through that distorted my vision. The damage was directly in the center of my eye, and that's what was causing the fuzziness.
Meanwhile, two office visits ($225.00), and two different eyedrop prescriptions ($248.00), two day's to administer treatments ($ revenue loss from not working..plus overtime: none of your bidness), with the aid of my eyeglasses ($394.00), I can finally fucking see (Priceless)!
Around 6:30 this evening, I actually ventured out of the house. I drove down to the local Wally-World (nearest retail chain) in search of some sunglasses to clip onto my double-monacle's. The sun was low but still present, and I made the trek successfully, by holding my hand up to block the "day star" from striking my eyes directly. I could clearly discern things inside the store, and I made my procurement.
Once again, I can actually see, but the worst part is... I'm going to have to make up for the time I missed by working through the weekend. Ah well. I guess my "Power Lounging" session will have to wait.
Shiver me timber's all ye foine buckaroo's. I've come for a tankard of Grog, and some parlay if ye please. AS long as I've been a captain on these seven sea's, I've never saw a foiner lot than all of ye. Let me hear a Yoho! me hearties!
Dreadfully sorry about that. It's the eyepatch you see. The one that's covering my left eye as I type this. Unfortunately, the reason for the patch isn't a costume party. Nope, not for me. I hadda go and get a sliver of fiberglss in my eye. I didn't even notice it until around 8 or 8:30 last evening, and when I did, I took out the old contact, and donned my glasses. It still hurt when I went to bed, but I figured that after a good nights sleep it'd be okay...No such luck. My eye was extremely red and swollen this morning, but I actually tried to go to work. I made it three exits down the turnpike before I had to turn around and come home. Every time a light hit my eye, the pain was so bad that I was closing BOTH eyes. Not a good idea at 65mph on the freeway. I went in to my eye doctor first thing this morning, and he found the little sliver and got it out. Unfortunately the numbing agent wore off, and the pain came back. Antibiotic eyedrops every hour have helped some, but I've got a follow up visit in the morning to assess the damage.
Meanwhile, I look like Number Two from Austin Powers. It's all good though. I went down to the convenience store to get some smokes a few minutes ago, and instead of the carton I asked for, I got 10 buy one get one free packages. Woohoo! Basically, I scored a carton for free. I think I'll keep this patch around for awhile. I wonder what else I can milk out of it.
Luckily, I was able to avail myself of all three day's off this past weekend. It gave me an opportunity to practice one of my favoritest activities... "Power Lounging". Now this particular activity has a single objective: "Do as little as possible for as long as possible." Seems pretty simple, No? Well you'd be surprised at how much effort this endeavor actually takes. First though, let's talk about the ground rules.
1.) All activities must be uindertaken while firmly planted to the couch/easy chair of your choice.
2.) The only acceptable reasons for leaving the aforementioned place of recline are to go relieve oneself, or to go to bed after a hard day's "Lounging".
3.) That's it.
The aspect of this pastime that is most challenging, is the act of getting others in your household to provide your every want/need/whim without resulting in divorce, murder-suicide, or unnecessary groundings/beatings of the children.
The elagant part is in your technique. There are several way's to get what you desire in these circumstances including (but not exclusive to): Whining, cajoling, Tantrum's, imperious demands, and promising to do chores. All of these things can work effectively, but the more extreme one's are not conducive to marathon sessions, so I take a different approach... Humor.
I have taken Jeff Foxworthy's joke where he applies a "Redneck" definition to a word; "Sensuous: Hey Sensuous up, git me a beer." ; and applied it to great effectiveness. My openning gambit goes like this "Did I ever tell you how sensuous you was?", and nearly invariably a frosty adult libation is on the way.
I've refined my technique by applying a couple other "Redneck" jokes, ie: "What do you tell a woman with two black eye's? Nothin'. You already told her twice." and "How many Rednecks does it take to open a beer? None. It better be open when she brings it to you." Properly applied, a simple look and an "Oh god" gets my beer openned, and for other more involved things (Make me a sammich!) can get resolved with a simple "don't make me tell you twice." Not to mention the "It's all the way over there." ploy.
I think I've given you all some tools to get started on your own "Power Lounging" campaign. Let me know how it goes, and I'll contact the Olympic people. Come this weekend, I'm going for the Gold.